well. That was a crazy-assed day at work. A day full of meetings, and a day full of work, more or less. A couple of the meetings were cancelled, which is probably the only way I actually managed to finish some of the crap I had to do. I ended up essentially gambling that a change I’d really like to go through goes through – in the process of fixing up some other stuff, I essentially implemented a change that hasn’t been 100% authorized yet. I figured that the chances are high enough that I’m not likely to need to re-implement the code I tore out, and I could get ahead by doing this while making other bugfixes as well. I’m keeping my fingers crossed, or I’ll have about five more hours of work on Monday… 😛

I ended up being so … focused, in the morning, that by mid-afternoon, by brain was totally shot – things I should have been on top of, I wasn’t, and I worry at times that on the bits I do fall down on, that people think I’m an idiot – I’ve been doing a crapload of work, and for the most part, it’s going pretty well – but some of the details impact other people’s work, and towards the end of the week, I know I held up at least two people on stuff I hadn’t thought out fully. Alas.

Still, all in all, I’m a touch ahead of the game, so I’ll hope that things continue in that vein. I think I’m gonna give homemade ravioli another shot tomorrow. We’ll see.

Fridge emptied, except for things like condiments that are better kept. Those get moved upstairs, and tomorrow, the fridge gets defrosted. Tomorrow, because it might rain tonight, and I don’t want to risk having it out in the rain. If the coils in the rear get wet, they’ll rust. Still, one step closer. The title of the last post still sadly reflects my feeling that I do a reasonable number of things ok, but virtually nothing “well” – I can draw, sort of – I can play a couple instruments competantly, I think I’m pretty good at what I do professionally, and I can cook decently, given the time to do so. But I’ve never, ever been “exceptional” at anything, even when I devoted myself almost entirely to it. I drew constantly while growing up, and still was never able to really get things down onto the page that I felt were good. Probably in part due to a lack of training, though certainly not due to a lack of practice.

Swimming, too – I devoted myself to that fiercely – not as fiercely as some – but that’s in part because of the same sort of lack of focus and singleminded dedication that causes this inability to really *succeed* at most things. I guess it’s in some measure, an inability to concentrate on one thing for the extended period of time needed to really master something. If you can get 95% of the way there with modest effort, and you need 98% of the way there to be great, and 99-100% to be extraordinary, I think I can consistently get to 96%, in things that I’m somewhat interested in, and maybe even 97%, with things that I’m passionately interested in. But that 1% that’s missing, I find myself systematically unable to accomplish.

Whether I don’t try at all, or I devote myself as much as I can to it, I can’t really ever seem to bridge that gap. I dunno – is that what an egotistical slacker would say? Maybe – sort of sounds like it. Ah, I’d be great, if only…

I suppose in some sense, it really is a cop-out, and it is a sort of ego-driven thing – I’d be good, if only – though I know that the “if only” is a failing or a lack of something *in me* and not some circumstance of the outside world. If I knew what I wanted, and was really, genuinely willing to devote myself to it 100%, I fear that I would still be at best ok, and never extraordinary. Very few people ever are extraordinary, I suppose – maybe it’s that my grandfather trule was extraordinary, and my father is damn close, if not there already. He’s a wacky guy, my dad – sometimes, I think he’s a bit of a nut, other times, I’m astounded at the vast wealth of knowledge and wisdom he possesses. My mom, even, has some extraordinary talents – she’s maniacally devoted to things she’s interested in, is a great cook, and has a very keen eye for quality and taste.

So, maybe I figure in some respect, I’ll just never measure up, so if I presume that there’s something in the way of me ever achieving anything really extraordinary, it’ll be much easier to just say, well, “if only…”

If that’s the case, then my attitude should change. Why be afraid that I’ll never measure up? Certainly, I won’t – I’ll never be, at 29, a match for my dad, who’s been around the block many more times than me. I’m not likely to form my own entire field of research, like my grandfather, but that’s not exactly something that happens every day regardless. All I can be is the best I can be – and if I’m going to sit here whinging about how I’m not already great … well. That’s pretty stupid. 🙂

I always thought that I’d never want to go back to school – that I could teach myself anything I wanted to know. Maybe that’s true, but that’s not really the *point*. I need the structure, and I need the time blocked out to devote to learning – to improving whatever it is that I’d like to want to improve. Maybe that’s part of the path. Who knows?

Hm. Interesting, how this “thinking aloud” thing works. Ha! I bet I sound like a crazed, egomanical wanker. (reads post) … haha! Indeed. Well… let’s see what happens next.

Been watching Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, and it’s gotten me to thinking that I do love cooking, but am only about as competant at it as an idiot wandering around in a drunken haze. I’d like to devote more time to it, but with the weekends the only time that I could reasonably devote to making a real *meal*, the opportunities to explore this hobby are somewhat limited. I think that one of the things I need to do is actually get the mini-fridge I inherited from the Fox Group down to my cube at EA, so that I can actually buy ingredients during lunch, store them in the fridge, and cook straight away at night.

One of the problems is that we normally get home about 8pm, at which point if you have to even make a quick run to the grocery store, you’re at 8:30 – if you’ve gotta go full-blown shopping, you’re at 8:45-9, at which point, by the time you’re done cooking even a quick meal, and cleaning, you’re at 10pm, if not later. Then, that’s your evening.

If I could get the ingredients during lunch at the grocery store across the street, we could actually start cooking immediately (whichever of us isn’t walking the dog), and conceivably have a delicious, home-cooked meal on the table by 8:30-8:45, if not sooner, depending on how absurd you’ve chosen to be. Each night would be not only a healthier, home-cooked meal, but *practice*, and education, as well as entertaining.

I think I’m gonna do it. Unfortunately, we’ve got stuff to get out of that fridge, and though tomorrow’s trash day, no room in the trash (due to building crap) to put it. Hm. Then, we’ve gotta defrost the sucker. Double Hm. Still, I can either sit here and make up crap excuses, or get off my ass and do it.

I guess I’ll do it, then.

Holy cow – this movie was extraordinary. The best comic book movie ever made, hte best Batman movie by miles and miles, and an excellent dramatic film entirely independent of the action. I loved every minute of it.

One thing that’s recently come to clarity for me is how expensive healthcare in the US is. It’s *absurd*. When I got my knee surgery, the “facility fee” for one hour in the OR was $15,000. One hour.

A few weeks ago, I had to go to the ER because of asthmatic bronchitis, where I was given a nebulizer, and an inhaler, which totally, utterly *failed* to address the problem I was having. That cost $1,440 pre-insurance. The second trip, to address the problem that the first person failed to address, will likely cost as much.

The problem with this is that the second trip, I waited until the last possible moment to go back to the ER, simply becuase I knew the trip would be expensive, and I likely would really have to stretch the budget to be able to afford it, the repairs on the house, and the other recent, huge expenses that have arisen out of a variety of bizarre crap.

For me, it was a persistent cough, that fortunately, turned out to be relatively easily diagnosed, and fixed. If I had a cough, due to something far more serious, that time waiting could have been the difference between life and death.

The notion that in this country, we have to constantly weigh our health against our budget, and that someone as reasonably well-off as I would have to seriously weigh my health against the money I had available is really quite disconcerting, and scary. This is the fucking United States – we’re the richest country in the world. This is *inexcusable*.

Been still thinking a good deal about the issue of game development, and residual payments. There was a post on wilwheaton.net about it, and though I’d heard it before, the point that actors & developers are on the same side stuck this time. Sort of. The fact that the SAG was pushing only for residuals for their members does turn it somewhat into an us vs. them issue, but at the same time, I can’t really expect the SAG to be looking out for people who aren’ t members (ie: the rest of the game development community).

Still, the notion is sound – the voice actors *are* a part of the game development process, and though they contribute extraordinarily little, in terms of the amount of time they have to devote to a project, the issue is *still* sound. Their payment, obviously, should be proportional to their contribution, but the fact is, the more copies a game I’ve slaved on sells, the more money I should make from it. While EA pays my wage, they continue to profit off catalog sales for *years* after they’ve stopped paying me, no matter how unique/novel my contribution to the development process was.

I’m still not sure where the line is drawn, though – do you pay all engineers for their contributions to things? Does the guy who designed the LED mask that a company uses to churn out a billion LEDs a year get a cut of each one sold? Forever? I suppose that’s how it would be. If done right, you could cut everyone in on part of the profit, and the company would still get its cut, essentially the “work” the company did, as an entity, in producing the product.

I think the reflexive “WTF? Are you fucking kidding me?” response I gave initially wasn’t necessarily the right response – it was a reaction to a presumption that the voice actors felt that they deserve a cut of the profits, and the developers don’t. I understand that the SAG doesn’t give a shit about the fact that the developers are getting screwed, and I understand that they’re only there to look out for their members. It feels shitty, to me, that I’m substantially more powerless, simply because at some point, someone *else* stood up for the actors – that they get to ride on coattails that have already been established, and if I want to try to organize something similar, I will undoubtedly face years of hardship, and likely get drummed out of the industry, were I to become the public face of unionization. Whee.

Then again, there’s probably something to be said for starting your own company that *is* essentially the core of the start of a union itself. That thing is, “It’ll undoubtedly be thankless, crushing responsibility that will destroy you financially,” but there you go.

Glad we called the Roto Rooter guy – he was nice, professional, and his machine had a long enough attachment to reach the clog, which I’m not sure the rented snake would have had. He rooted the thing all the way to the main, so I’m sure the drain is clear. We have some roots in the drain, which is bad, bad news, but hopefully, not serious enough that we can put it off for a bit. Worrisome, but not fatal.

Now, on the way to Home Depot to get a tank attachment kit, and a 4″ to 4″ coupler, as well as something to put into the cleanout to close it up, at least temporarily. Lovely. At last, though, that issue is gone.

We took the toilet bowl off this morning, and there’s a pretty serious backup. It’s about as close to a complete clog as one can get at this point. We got a small drill-powered augur this morning, and were able to stuff it all the way into the drain, to no avail. We then found a cleanout in the back that we didn’t know about previously, when we tried to use one of these pressurizing balloons that attach to the end of a hose. We attached it, and shoved it into the drain, and it didn’t seem to really work, but looking out the window, there was a leak, which was spewing water. Turned out, there *was* a cleanout in the drain, but it was “covered” by concrete – we’d blown a small hole in the concrete, which was what was leaking. So, Joe used a screwdriver and a brick to open up the cleanout, and we tried to put the pressurizing thingie down the drain there, but to no avail.

Next up, alas, is calling a professional rooter for a quote. He’s on his way, now, and hopefully, I’ll be able to afford it…

The left rear corner of the house has a leak. This wasn’t discovered until Colin moved out, because his bookcase was in the way of seeing the stains on the wall.

A few months ago, when we found the leak, we called the roofing company that put the original roof in, and they sent someone out to repair it.

A few weeks ago, we had the room re-drywalled & painted.

Last night, the leak returned.

So far, the damage is relatively minimal – the drywall is clearly wet, but it’s not terribly *visible* yet. I put a fan on it, and hopefully, it’ll dry out without too much damage. The real question, though, is *why* the roof is still leaking, and whether it’s the roof at all. There’s big wet spots around each of the downspouts, and I’m wondering if somehow, the little “drains” from the roof into the downspouts are spewing water out into the wall somewhere *below* the roof. I don’t think so, after having taken a look at it today, but I honestly have no idea what else it could be. The roof looked relatively ok, to me. Maybe there’s a leak somewhere higher on the roof, but the corner looked ok to me.

Hopefully, Sierra Roofing will realize that their repair, which was still under warranty, did nothing, despite the roof warranty having expired between then and now. I kinda doubt it, and if not, I’m gonna have to get yet another contractor, and pay them still more money. Whee.

Home ownership: Fuck that.

So this girl’s missing in Aruba, and it’s all over CNN. And I just don’t give a shit. The *only* time someone going missing is news is when publicizing that person’s missing-ness might help figure out what’s going on, and *only* to the extent that it helps, relative to the worth of publicizing other stories. Jennifer Wilbanks should never, ever, ever have superceded the Downing Street Memo. This girl in Aruba shouldn’t be superceding say, anything. And neither should fucking Michael Jackson. But, even though the media swore up and down after 9/11 that they wouldn’t get bogged down in crap the way they did with Gary Condit, and ignore the actual *news*, we should have all known that laziness trumps integrity.

nice job, media.