A reference to this.
Obviously, everyone’s situation is different, but it’s about as parallel a situation as you can get. Here was a man, one of the most creative and intelligent people I’ve had the incredible privilege and joy of calling a friend, dead from an ecstacy overdose. I haven’t talked to him in years – our lives, and lifestyles drifted apart towards the waning days of our time in college, and though I didn’t talk to him often, he was one of those people who simply is a building block in your life. Now that he’s gone, I feel… nothing. I expect that I will, but at the moment, I only feel regret – I don’t expect there was anything I could ever have done to have changed the course of events. He knew what he was doing, and did it with gusto. I’m not sure he was ever comfortable, until towards the end of college, when he found acceptance, and a lifestyle he felt at home in.
Dammit, I want to feel sad, I do – but I don’t. I’m angry, I’m depressed, and shocked – I want to let go of those feelings, and just let the tragedy of it overwhelm me with sadness. But it is tragedy – he brought it on himself, and I can’t feel any sadness without it being tied to anger, or remorse, or regret.
I hope he died, loving every goddamn minute of life. I hope it was worth it, Kevin. I’ll miss you.
if ever there was an appropriate time to say “I know how you feel,” this is probably it =\
I know how you feel…
A mailing list I was on (that has a number of MIT graduates) had the following note just posted:
Hello everyone,
As most of you know by now, Frostbyte died yesterday afternoon in
Boston, a result of a tragic accident.
In remembrance of our friend and an incomparably awe-inspiring human
being, a group of us are gathering on Ocean Beach tonight at 8:30pm to
be with one another and remember Kevin. We would like to pay tribute
in a place and a way that represents something that was an important
part of his life. The proximity of this location to Baker Beach, where
Burning Man originated, is significant.
Come to where Lincoln Ave and the Great Highway (which runs next to
the beach) intersect. We will dig the pit just north of the
intersection, in line with the 3rd beach access (stairs) coming from
the parking lot. You can call watson (6176425013), Dylan (6502692892),
or Leila (6172302983) if you have trouble finding the spot.
Please bring wood if you have access or can stop by a grocery store to
buy it and candles. And please pass this on to anyone you know who
knew Frostbyte or basked in the brilliance of his light.
watson, dylan, leila et al.
Losing friends is hard, so very hard. I’m glad that you feel that he lived his life to the fullest, and that he found happiness.
Friends of Friends.
I’m friends with you and Leila, but I never knew Kevin.