I’m a facts-based guy. I believe that there are things that are quantifiable as “real,” and that ones understanding of the universe should be based on those facts. Still, there are some times when perception creates reality – or rather, whether my perception is correct or not, it is what matters, not what is actually real.
In some sense, that’s not really contradictory, because the perception is an aggregate of many small details, most of which are insignificant or inconsequential on their own. The perception is the bigger picture, even if I have difficulty quantifying what the actual details are that are making me think in a particular way.
What’s really bringing this home to me is a bit of conflict over my job.
My perception, by and large, is that our process is really, truly hosed. That the management of the team is pretty much lost, or is taking long enough to figure out where they are that they might as well be lost. That marketing is running off into their own little world, and paying little if no attention to what it is we’re actually making. That our production process is so completely alien to the people who are trying to implement it that we might as well be talking different languages.
Is that the reality? I don’t know. I’ve read enough people to know, though, that the perception is that we’re screwed, and getting screwed-er by the day. What to do? Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know if the leadership this team has will drag it out of the chaos into which we’ve descended. I don’t know that the leadership understands the dynamics of the team, the interactions with the other teams involved in the project, or whether they’re even competant enough to deal with it, even if they understood the rest.
It puts me in a difficult position, because my loyalties are then split. We have, I believe, a very interesting, potentially quite compelling design. It’s innovative, it’s coherent, and by and large, has the potential to be *great*. I want to make this game. I want it to be excellent.
My other loyalty, of course, is to me. To my life. To my family, friends, etc., that I don’t let work suck the life out of me yet again, for months on end. And that depends on a reliable, well-oiled production team, and good management. Neither of which have been apparent in the last week and a half, on this project. And in terms of our timeline, that’s an eternity.
So… the question is this: I see a sinking ship. It’s a really nice, well appointed ship. I have a lot of opportunity here, and I feel like I could really be captaining the ship with the right moves, in a relatively short while. But, the ship’s still sinking. WTF? Why am I still on it? And most importantly, why am I even considering remaining on board?
I regularly read a Christian theology blog and have it listed in Bloglines directly above your listing. Both blog had new posts this morning and I could have swore I clicked on that one first. Since I read most of the post directly in Blogline, I have no real frame of reference to distinguish the two. Needless to say, I was three quarters of the way through your post when I realized that I wasn’t reading that blog.
Man, I was really wigged out there for a second.
Try rereading this post with that mindset and see what I mean. Seriously.
I just did it again and couldn’t stop giggling about it.
Man, you could read the *whole* post with that mindset, and it’s quite bizarre.
Mmm… Process.
To be honest, unless you are a *god* of processes, every process that you try to implement will be “hosed” to a degree or another.
From the trying-to-get-things-done point of view, a process is nothing but red tape in your way. From the trying-to-ensure-that-things-are-done-correctly point of view, you need the process in place to ensure that all the bases are covered (since it’s impossible to handle everything on a case-by-case basis… you never know who is actually getting stuff done right and who is simply trying to take shortcuts).
The best way to go about it is to get involved with the actual process and change it.
The problem is that we *had* a process that had been developed over the course of a number of years. It worked, but had problems. This year, what happened was that we were going to get a different process, that had been run for even longer, with better success. But the people came in, broke our old process to the point where it was irreperable, then left for another project, without actually implementing the new one, or leaving us with any experienced people. Fun!
Well, all’s I can do is remind you that it sounded like you were going through the exact same concerns last year. It’s hard to see when you’re in the middle of it, but once you take a step back it’s easier to recognize when you’re in an environment that’s seriously bad for your health.
But everybody’s got to come to that conclusion on his own. All’s I can say is that whenever the decision comes between work and your life, your life should always win. No matter how passionate you are about work or how rewarding you think the end product is. Making something good is always going to require some sacrifice, but it doesn’t have to mean sacrificing everything.
yeah. Definitely coming to that conclusion. On that front, any leads you’ve got to better places would be quite handy right about now… 😛