Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.
– William Hazlitt

I read this, and the only thing I could think of was the Bush Administration. I laughed, then wept…

Hayfever. In May. WTF?

Got up this morning and felt like someone was sitting on my chest, and my eyes had been glued shut. Oh, and a tap had been turned on in my nose, and no one was turning it off.

A combination of Allegra, Flonase, and an inhaler I got from the doc (can’t remember what it was specifically, too lazy to go look) have made most of the symptoms at least chill out a bit, but yeah… unpleasantness.

So, staying home from work today, trying to not have my brain run out my nose.

Fun times.

A long time ago, I got a pair of *excellent* AKG headphones (K240’s), which were hands-down the best sounding headphones I’d ever had. Problem was, while at EA, I ran over the cord in my chair, and both tore the cord and broke the 1/8″ headphone jack. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t get a good signal in both ears – the right ear would cut out periodically. Turned out, I’d actually run over the cord in two places – one near the jack, and one near the headphones themselves.

To repair the cord, I’d basically need to break the headphones open, and I wasn’t really keen on doing that.

I finally realized that the 2G shuffle that Ei-Nyung had gotten me was really, really light, and given the weight of the headphones, would be basically unnoticeable if I just clipped it to the thing that goes over your head.

So, yesterday, I cut the cord, leaving about 3″, got a new jack from Radio Shack, soldered the new jack on, and now, it’s a perfect fit – the cable runs up to the headband, where the shuffle sits comfortably.

Today, I’m listening to the shuffle, and I’m just still astonished by *how good* these headphones sound. The Shure E40’s I’ve got are great, but these are leagues above them. Yeah, it’s because they’re *enormous*, but still.

Now, I get good use out of the shuffle *and* the headphones. w00t.

Had a nice, laid-back weekend. Hung out with friends on both Saturday and Sunday, did some crap around the house, watched some Ninja Warrior, got some food. Good stuff. Nothing really earth-shattering. No home renovations, or gardening, or even epic cooking. Just laid-back, relaxed, chilled out.

Now, to sleep. And it’s only 11:30.

Woo.

There is little more soul-destroying than spending your workday doing tasks that could be done by a hamster.

*sigh*

I started writing a book tonight. I didn’t get very far, but I think the idea has some potential. It’s basically a game design book. Rather than presenting it as a “here’s how to design a game,” though, it’s more just a book about what it’s like to be a non-celebrity game designer.

That is, what it’s like for 99%+ of the game designers out there. It’s sort of strange, because there is that question of “why should anyone listen to what I have to say?” when writing a book about game design. I’m no Will Wright, or Shigeru Miyamoto. But I think that works in my favor for a book written from this perspective. It’s about dealing with the limitations you encounter on a day to day basis, whether it’s trying to resolve creative conflicts with someone who doesn’t see things your way (and has the power), or hacking your beloved design to bits because the company doesn’t have the resources to create your grand vision.

It is, ideally, about *practical* game design on a day-to-day basis from the perspective of someone with little power and no creative control. It’s about navigating treacherous waters, and trying to make things better where you can, and accept where you can’t.

I doubt I’ll finish, and I doubt it’ll even be very good. But it’s started, so that’s something.

What is it I want out of my professional life? Over and over again, it comes back to wanting a measure of control over my work environment, and ownership of my work. Over and over again, the risk involved scares me, and the inability to form a coherent plan of attack prevent me from moving forward.

I think that fundamentally, there’s a part of me that’s scared – I mean, you have a dream, and figure that you’ll be good at what you do, but the moment it becomes reality, the potential for failure becomes real as well. Still – how long do you keep putting something off for what, fear of failure? At some point, failure then becomes the default.

What then?