So, Ei-Nyung was watching American Idol, and one of the contestants sang a song called “Jesus Take the Wheel” – I’d never heard it before. It’s a Carrie Underwood song, though written by some other random people. Apparently, it’s quite acclaimed, was nominated for a number of awards – maybe it won a few, I don’t know. Here’s the lyrics:
Jesus, Take the Wheel
(James/Lindsey/Sampson)
She was drivin’ last friday on her way to cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Goin’ home to see her Momma and her Daddy
With her baby in a back seat
Fifty miles to go and she was runnin’ low
On faith and gasoline
It’d been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention
She was goin’ way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinnin on thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn’t even have time to cry
She was so scared, she threw her hands up in the air
…
Okay, I’ve just gotta break in there. I know this is meant as a metaphor, but let’s just take a look at this so far. On an icy road in winter, this woman was speeding. She gets herself in a terrible situation, having put both her and her child in grave danger, and she throws her hands up in the air? Really? She doesn’t say, try to steer out of the skid, or at least hold on to the wheel so that if the tires did grip something, she could actually *respond* to the situation? Not really engendering any sympathy at this point.
(Chorus)
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
‘Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel
What? So, you’re letting go? You’re just gonna do nothing? And this is supposed to be admirable? WTF?
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder and that car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the back seat sleepin’ like a rock
For the first time in a long time she bowed her head to pray
She said I’m sorry for the way
I’ve been livin’ my life
I know I’ve got to change
So from now on tonight
Oh! So… that’s good, I guess. You’re going to take charge of your life. You managed to survive, through not fault of your own, but it’s been an epiphany, and you’ll begin to take responsibility for your actions, and work to make things better. Great!
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
‘Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Oh Jesus take the wheel
Oh Im letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
From this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh take it take it from me
Oooooooooohhh
OH HOLY MOTHER FUCK! What is WRONG with you?!?! So, you’re going to do what? You were gonna make some sort of change, but you’re going to make that change by… what? Abdicating your personal responsibility? Not taking charge of anything on your own? Doing … nothing? This is, in every respect, just a despicable, awful song. I’ve rarely heard more insipid lyrics, and I doubt if I’ve *EVER* heard a song with a worse message. I’ve literally only heard this once, and I hate it with every fiber of my being.
And it’s not a religious versus non-religious thing. I don’t *care* that it’s a song with a religious theme. What I care about is that the theme is SO GOD DAMNED STUPID.
Gah!
This rant reminds me of someone…
What a great song…for me to poop on.
If Jesus were really driving, then maybe he could have turned the icy road into wine or fishes or something. I mean, stopping a car when it goes into a skid is nice and all, but it isn’t exactly awe-inspiring. Why not make the car fly through the air on silver wings? Or turn the car into a nice comfy bed? Jesus is clearly slacking here. The singer should demand a miracle with a higher wow factor.
Alan and I have this conversation all the time. This song (along with “My Humps”) is quite possibly the worst piece of drivel ever written. Sadly, it’s one that thousands upon thousands of evangelical Christian fundamentalists agree with wholeheartedly.
Your child gets diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy? Give it over to Jesus; he’ll make it better.
Your house is being foreclosed on and you have five kids to feed? Keep tithing your paycheck to the church b/c Jesus will make it all better.
Your other child is a meth addict who has run away from home umpteen times and is now living with some gang bangers? Pray to Jesus, he’ll make it better.
I fucking hate these people (and yes, these are all examples from my family).