Yesterday evening, we went to the park. I biked over, E picked up the kiddo, and we met at the little park by the branch library. Kiddo was more interested in the trucks & buses driving by than the slides or swings, so we hung out on the grass for a while, and chased him.

He ran, giggled, fell over, and all was well. At one point, he got a little close to traffic, so I herded him back toward the playground. He ran around me and back out to traffic, and like I’ve done a hundred times before, I grabbed his arm, hoisted him in the air, and swung him around me so he was facing the other direction.

This time, though, when he landed, he was visibly upset. “Owie mano,” and he clutched his little hand.

My heart sunk. Obviously something was wrong. He was just sort of stunned at first, but eventually started crying, and for the next few minutes, it got progressively worse. Nothing in his hand appeared to specifically upset him, but he kept repeating “Owie mano.”

E put him in the car, I biked home, gathered up some stuff, and we went off to the emergency room. Fortunately, on the way there, E had the clarity to call the pediatricians’ office, which was still open. At the Summit parking lot, they called us back & talked us through the issue. The nurse on the other side thought his elbow might be dislocated, and taught us to sit with him facing us, grabbing his elbow with one hand, holding his palm down at his thigh, then to rotate his hand so his palm was facing up, and his elbow was bent, sort of like a “what’s up?” gesture.

I didn’t feel anything pop, as the nurse suggested, but almost immediately, he began using his hand again. I couldn’t have been more grateful, and of course, now that the immediate urgency was over, I ended up bawling like a … well, like a baby.

I know he’ll get injured as he grows up. I just felt absolutely gutted that it was my fault. That literally, *I* did this to him. I’ll be more careful in the future, but… man.

Ugh.

Ei-Nyung let me do a LOT of ridiculous stuff today. From sleeping in to playing tons of inFamous 2 to going go-karting, she made today a pretty leisure-filled day, which was awesome.

But really, that’s not what Father’s Day is about anyway. Everything’s about Tiny Mr. Fella, and I can’t believe it’s my second Father’s Day as a dad.

He’s almost running. He walks really fast (and usually screams while doing it). Instead of only knowing words we’ve made an effort to teach him, he’s now mimicking things & discerning their meaning on his own (scary times!). He can tell us stuff, like when he has to go poo-poo or pee-pee, even though he’s not quite 100%, he’s getting much better.

He loves trucks. Loves ’em. He loves to play with toy trucks, he loves to look at books with trucks in them, and he loves to point them out as we’re driving around. It’s weird. Now, if I’m driving around on my own, if I pass a mail truck, it’s surprising that no one’s yelling out MAIL TRUCK!

He can walk up and down the stairs, as long as you lend him a ‘manos’, and we now go for walks around the block with Mobius, and they don’t quite take the hour that they used to.

He knows “hot” and “not hot”, though his understanding of them are a little skewed. He sometimes tries to drink milk & water out of two different sippy cups at the same time, which is… cumbersome.

He loves going to the zoo. He’d first gone to the zoo, back when he didn’t have much awareness of the animals. Then we taught him a bunch of them by pointing them out in his books. Now when he goes to the zoo, he knows a ton of the animals by name and can point them out.

His sign for turtle is pretty ridiculous. He cups one hand over an extended thumb (as you’re supposed to), but then goes “boop!” and the turtle explodes! Now when we go to see the turtles, I just as him, “Where’s the boop!?” and he makes the sign, laughs, and points to the turtle.

What a funny little kiddo.

So. Mr. Bebeh is getting older. What’s he up to these days? He’s just about to get the hang of running. But he’s also talking a lot.

• Moon = Boooh!
• Banana = Nana
• Apple = Babbul
• Jin = Geeee
• Cheese = Cheee!
• Mama = Ma ma
• Dada = Da da
• Daddy = DaDEEEEEE!
• Mobius = Mmmmo
• Car = Gaaa
• Shoes = Patos (Zapatos)
• Yes = Yaaa
• No = No

He also knows the sign for bird, which he uses a lot. I’m trying to teach him the sign for cow, but it’s a little tricky, since we don’t see that many cows on a day-to-day basis.

He’s at a point, though, where if you ask him to try to repeat something, he stands a reasonable chance of making sounds that are at least marginally intelligible as the thing you’re trying to get him to say. Okay, maybe 30% of the time. He’s also a lot more willful than he used to be – he sees something and knows whether he wants it or not. Used to be he’d be pretty receptive to just about anything. Now, if he doesn’t want something, he’ll clearly say “no”. Not so successful with “yes” yet, but hey. Progress.

He’s got some little shoes – they’re very minimal, so the soles are very thin, and they’re really flexible. He walks just about everywhere now, so we have to remember to put shoes on him when we go out, which is weirdly new(ish, it’s been about a month or two).

He still likes banging on the Rock Band drums. He now stands on a little tower to watch us cook & clean in the kitchen. He mostly sleeps through the night, but there are some nights (like last night) where he wakes up a lot & gets really upset. Could be teething, as his last two bottom teeth are coming in.

Man. So strange. He really is a little person. He likes little trucks, cars and buses, he loves reading time, he loves bath time, he’s sort of 50-50 on various foods (definitely loves sweets, though we don’t give him much at all), and *LOVES* his “ma ma!”

What a silly little fella.

And yes, for a very brief moment, Mr. J was at GDC. Which means he’s been to more GDC’s than probably 90% of the actual game industry. HA!

It’s almost impossible to keep a record of how fast the kiddo grows up. Every day something new happens, and though most of them are small, by the time you look back, even two weeks ago, he’s grown so much.

He can blow (and suck) on a harmonica and make sound. This is the harmonica he got from his grandparents. He walks. Everywhere. I took him to the park this morning, and not only did he slide down the slide, he walked around to the stairs, climbed up the stairs, walked over to the slide, and went down again. I guided him a little, but he did everything on his own.

He’s not only got a will of his own, but he can communicate it. He can point at the swings, walk there, and gesture for me to lift him up. He can make the sign for “birds”, since Ei-Nyung taught him how to do that. He’s walked over to the bathroom when he’s had to use the toilet (though not as consistently as we’d say, like). He will say “mama” and look over at Ei-Nyung. If you ask him, “Where’s mama?” he’ll go find her.

You can chase him, and he’ll run away. He knows how to tickle people (though we play-laugh more than laugh at this point – I expect that’ll actually change soon). He can climb up on lots of things, but it’s really funny when he climbs onto an adult seat (like the recliners) and sits down in the middle. He gets a really self-satisfied look.

He can spoon food & get it (mostly) in his mouth. He can eat just about everything, though he doesn’t necessarily want to eat everything. Still, he’s relatively open to trying new stuff. He laughs at the “BING BANG CRASH SLAM!” part of Mike Mulligan. He’ll pick up the book he wants you to read him, and he’ll wave it around at you to show you. He knows when he’s getting his bedtime story (usually Mike Mulligan is the kicker), because he’ll walk over and cuddle up next to you, which he doesn’t do for most stories.

He’s getting a LOT of teeth. I think he has 14, now? It’s crazy. You look in his mouth and there are teeth everywhere! He still likes to have a pacifier (ju-ju). There was a while where he’d say, “Chu! Daaaaaaah,” and if you said “Chu!” he’d say “Daaaaah.” Adorable. Same goes the other way. He’d say “Chu!” and expect you to respond properly.

He definitely dances to music, and has songs that he likes.

It’s pretty bonkers to think that only a few short months ago he wasn’t walking. Heck, less than a month ago he wasn’t regularly walking around. Or saying all that much we could make heads or tails of. What a little weirdo. I can’t wait to see what’s next!

So, I was listening to a This American Life on the way into the office this morning, and there was a discussion about having a scientist convincing a global warming skeptic that global warming was real. And the interesting thing, to me, was that the scientist made an argument by citing facts, measurements, trends, and scientific consensus, and it had absolutely no impact on the skeptic.

Which was, I thought, patently obvious.

The problem was that the skeptic had already discussed how or why they were skeptical, and the underlying reasoning was simply that there are “two sides to every story,” and the skepticism came from the inability to accurately assess the merit of the arguments that were being made.

But so the interesting thing to me was that the scientist utterly failed to have an impact because they weren’t able to assess the argument that needed to be made.  And holy cow, I’m guilty of this at times. But you can’t convince someone who doesn’t believe in facts with facts.

So what do you do? I’m not sure, honestly – because ultimately what you need to do is you need to teach someone how to think. If you ever get into an argument and someone says “there are two sides to every story,” you’ve already lost because saying that indicates that that person has no ability to give weight to an argument.

But I think the fundamental point is that you have to start with the fundamentals. You have to teach people how to judge how to tell good information from bad, and that anyone can have an opinion, but those opinions aren’t all worth the same. Which seems to be generally where Democratic politicians fail – you can’t argue policy or facts without teaching your opponents the fundamentals – and it’s a hell of a lot easier to teach someone to be willfully ignorant and believe whatever they want to believe. 😛

Yeah, that post went nowhere.

So… this is kind of a weird thing to write about here, and I’m not even really sure it’s my place to write anything about it at all. But it’s just… I can’t stop thinking about it, and I want to tell someone, because I have no idea how to deal with it. (and goddamn, it’s so selfish to even have that as a concern.)

A friend’s newborn son died today. And it’s a complex situation – not something that was sudden, or not even necessarily a real possibility from the start, which maybe made it one of the most terrible things I’ve ever seen. The parents have been … I dunno how to put it, really – incomparably brave in the face of unbearable difficulty.

The difference in perspective between having a child of my own and not is extraordinary. Before being a parent, I think it’s easier to say, “This is the situation, here is what is realistic.” Now, it’s easier to understand how you would move heaven and Earth for even a moment with your child.

There is some bond, some …furious… connection that I feel towards my son that I simply couldn’t articulate to the pre-father me. There aren’t really words to describe it. To say that a moment when he puts his head on my chest makes my entire life worthwhile seems strange, an understatement so vast that it is a massive failure of language.

Their situation, it’s utterly unimaginable to me – I think like that bond between a parent and a child, there’s an inability to truly empathize because there’s nothing in my life that even comes within leagues of their experience – I have no way to understand it, other than to imagine pain equal in proportion to the love I feel for my son, and the thought is too terrible to bear.

It’s …disorienting. The simple fact is that on a day to day basis, one never has to actively remember that this kind of tragedy is real. And knowing that it is throws everything out of perspective. Except one thing – that I love my son, my family, with every fiber of my being, and that I remember how valuable the moments we share are, and how damn lucky I am to have them.

RIP, P.

Keep it simple:

1.) Exercise regularly, one full run of P90X before the end of the year.

2.) Get company to profitability

3.) Spend a bunch of time with the kiddo & do my best to help him learn as much as possible.

4.) Travel somewhere

Had a great couple days in Watsonville (of all places) with some friends & the family.

The last few weeks have been, literally, a triple-combo of illnesses. It looks like basically it went stomach flu -> regular cold -> regular flu, starting the Monday before Christmas and lasting until about midday yesterday to finally kick the last bits of the last illness. Gah. Insane.

Still, a quiet holidays with the three of us. Ei-Nyung got me one of the new Kindles, which is pretty sweet. It has a cover with an integrated light that’s really nice. Grabbed Tony Horton’s book Bring It, as well as Oliver Sacks’ The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat. Both good, but very, very different. 🙂

The little kiddo’s really walking around almost everywhere now. He still crawls after he stumbles, but in the last few days, he’s decided that walking is the better way to go, and he only crawls out of convenience. I think this is a conceptual switch for him, where previously, walking was a weird novelty without much practical use. Ha!

What a weirdo.

So… yeah, it’s been a crazy year. Not the kiddo’s first Thanksgiving, but the first one where he was alive for the whole year. Hopefully there’ll be a lot more of those.

Thing I’m thankful for the most? Ei-Nyung & the kiddo (and Mobius gets to come along for the ride). Couldn’t imagine a better family, a better wife, or a better son.

Work’s been great as well – obviously, any job has its ups and downs, and this one’s had its fair share, but overall, it’s the best job I’ve ever had, I love the things that we’re working on, and I think we’re making something really pretty revolutionary. Can’t ask for a lot more than that.

Overall, it’s been a pretty spectacular year. Let’s have a bunch more like it!

Happy first birthday, little fella.

Hard to believe it’s already been a year. Feels like yesterday and forever. I remember the first time I ever saw you. Your mom asked me to look over the curtain, to see how things were going, and my first reaction was a horrified, “NO!”

Heh. What can I say? I’d never make it as a surgeon.

But I looked. And I saw your first moments in this world, as the doctors held you. Covered in goop, you were. A little weird looking pink thing, with wisps of hair, looking like a little comic book drawing, as though someone had just drawn little lines for your eyes.

The first days were strange. I suppose they are for all parents. The books talk about “getting to know” your child, and that’s really what it was like – even though you slept most of the time, and only woke up to do your business(es), we’d watch you for hours. We’d look at your little hands, poke your little feet, and marvel every time you yawned or made a sound.

It was stressful – full of uncertainty & tiredness, sometimes even fear – but watching you over this year has been the best year of my life. Hearing you laugh, for the first time. Watching you watch us, curious. Giggling hysterically as you playfully tried to bite my nose.

The first time you let out a little shriek, scampered over to the edge of the bed, and pulled yourself up on my shirt, arms extended, asking me to pick you up… yes, I admit it, I cried. I bawled like… well, not like a little baby. I have no idea what any of these “like a baby” sayings are from. “Sleep like a baby” = what, wake up every 45 minutes screaming? Heh. I suppose in the end that was our fault, but we figured it all out eventually.

And now? Now you’re almost walking. You recognize a handful of words. You bang on the drums, you eat all kinds of stuff, you’re *funny*, which is still weird, to me. You’re growing every day. You try hard to do things, and when you get a goal in your little head, you work hard to achieve it. I hope that sticks with you, and that you never let that go.

Happy Birthday, little fella. I love you.