To take the format of a friend’s blog:

Pissing me off today: Santa Claus

What is it about Santa Claus that people seem so protective about? Oh, you’ve lost the “spirit of Christmas”? What fucking spirit? That I should buy a Hallmark ™ card, spend hundreds of dollars on frivolous decorations, and then pretend that an imaginary man in a red suit *came down my chimney* and delivered the presents I purchased? Not that we even *have* a chimney.

But it really does this one-two combination of freaking me out and disgusting me when you see movies like The Polar Express, or whatever, talking about how people almost lost their faith in Santa Claus, but then had it reaffirmed, and oh, isn’t Christmas just *so great*!?!? Let’s go buy some stuff. Maybe Polar Express branded gift merchandise! Gah. Fuck that.

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Leprechauns, Mr. Kwanzaa, and Channukah-Man are some of the most ridiculous and inane concoctions I’ve ever heard of. And right this second, if what you’re thinking is, “Boy, you’ve really got no holiday spirit!” or, “Boy, what happened to your imagination?” Let me tell you this: Imagination isn’t thinking that a giant red man invades the sanctity of your home and leaves unidentified packages with mysterious contents, because you’ve been brainwashed since you were a child. *Imagination* is something else entirely. I love the concept of “holiday spirit,” which would include things like “giving” and “love of family” – but let me tell you, I don’t need an imaginary man to tell me these things, or help me to remember that I love my family, and like giving people things.

And I feel sad – genuinely sad – for people who do, or think their kids do.