I have no idea what it is.

I was walking Mobius at maybe 9, this evening. It was cool, dark – a little brisk. The walk started out normally, but we walked from the left of the house, down the street, and turned the corner to go around the downhill block. As we’re halfway down the block, a smile spreads across my face. I don’t know why. I can feel my heart beating in my chest – not in a bad way, but each beat feels distinct and clear. I’m smiling like an idiot, now. Mobius looks back at me – he’s a few feet in front, sniffing some bushes, and I start running, down the hill.

I was watching House earlier in the evening, and he started running – something he, as a character, hasn’t done in a long time. And I guess maybe I felt like running because of that. And in the same way, it was something I haven’t done in a long time, and for a good long while (from about mid ’96 to about 2004), I simply *couldn’t*. But I can, now. I can run without pain, and more importantly, without fear. Oh, I’m in terrible shape, don’t get me wrong. But I ran, flat-out, for the better part of the block, and Mobius galloped to keep up with me, instead of the fast walking he usually does when I jog along.

Maybe in that moment, I triggered some sort of “runner’s high,” but I doubt it. I walked the rest of the way home, and halfway up the hill home, again, a giant smile spread across my face, and I couldn’t stop it. I smiled the whole rest of the way home, and if you know me, my default expression isn’t a giant fucking grin. But there it was.

I feel good in the kind of way that I feel like some sort of giant catastrophe must be imminent. Everything’s just absolutely great. I love my wife to pieces. I love my friends. I’m living with a pair of really awesome friends, who bring a lot to my life I wouldn’t otherwise normally see. The friends I don’t live with are *spectacular*, and I love them to pieces, too. My parents seem to be doing well, which is something that’s been a long time coming. My dog is great. The house still has a long way to go, but the potential is *ridiculous*, and when we’re done with this place, it’ll be a *palace*.

My job’s really turned around. I hated the project I was on, but it’s over, and I’m working full-time on something I bring a lot to. I feel *great* about my ability to contribute to it, the direction it’s going, and the fact that I live a convenient distance away, and the work-life balance is good.

I feel… confident. I’ve always felt hesitant about my abilities, in regards to work. Not anymore. I know what I can do, I know I can do more, and that greatness isn’t a matter of “if,” but a matter of “when.” I feel like I can control my own destiny.

I know these feelings are transient, but I think this may be the first time in my adult life where I’ve been almost euphoric, simply because things are just absolutely, positively perfect.

I couldn’t ask for anything more. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts.