This is Space Giraffe. It’s basically Tempest, with a couple other mechanics added on top of it. I was looking forward to it, ’cause I wanted an old-school shooter, but playing the demo, I just can’t bring myself to get it.

Its defenders will undoubtedly say I don’t “get it,” and they’re totally right. I don’t. But it’s not *my fault* – it’s the designer’s fault. Everything looks the same. The visual noise is constantly cranked up to 11. All the mechanics are given *ridiculous* names like, “rinsing” a level (getting rid of all the enemies), or “bulling” them (knocking them off the side of the level when your ship is “powered up”). They use these terms during the tutorial, which is *incredibly* stupid, and leaves the player completely disoriented.

More, the mechanics aren’t *good*. I understand what I’m supposed to do, I just don’t care to do it. It’s not terribly interesting. Wait for powerup, wave back and forth, hitting enemies. Whoop-de-doo.

It’s like Tempest with a whole bunch of pointless crap laid out on top of it that serves to make it less accessible, less interesting, and because it’s so busy all the time, it just settles into a completely oversaturated boring mess.

Bleah.