So… thirty-one, and I’m periodically reminded that I’m still a completely immature asshole. Things that shouldn’t bother me still really, really do. A stupid oversight on people’s part in one instance, a stupid oversight on one person’s in another.

In both cases, I should just say, “who cares?” and be done with it. Nothing’s going to get better by me being pissed about it forever, nothing’s going to change the past, and in this case, it’s the past that *matters*. They’re not huge things, but they’re things I’m reminded about frequently these days, for some reason.

And the thing is, what do I get by being pissed, anyway? In one instance, I’m passing up an event that’ll only happen once. Will I look back on it and think, “That was dumb.” Of course. But that doesn’t change the fact that if I *go*, I’ll just be resentful and pissed off the whole time. In the other case, I’m being pissed about something that’s almost totally irrelevant. I dunno – it’s just one of those stupid things where you’ve got a group that takes a deliberate and thoughtful interaction in a bunch of previous instances, then when it comes around to your “turn,” nothing happens. Any sense of group dynamic disappears. Some individuals remain thoughtful and considerate, and others are nowhere to be found.

Yeah, it doesn’t matter. Yeah, I’m being an ass. Yeah, it’s all completely fucking ridiculous. And it reminds me that I’m still not the person I hope to be one day.

Ah, well. It’s good to know what I need to work on. :\